Never Enough
by shouvley
Summary: One shot - The first time Leah phased. Unfortunately since no one was expecting it the only one around to help her was Sam, the last person she would ever accept help from. But Sam helped her much more than she would ever know. Sam's POV. T for swearing


_A/N: Hope you guys like this. Leah is one of my favorite characters and I feel bad that the first fic I'm writing about her is on the worst day of her life. Hopefully soon I'll be able to write one where she's happy. She deserves it. Reviews are always appreciated!_

_And I know this doesn't fit in with the events of New Moon (Harry dies before Quil phases and Leah phases after Quil), but I decided Sam needed to try to redeem himself somehow. _

* * *

I wove through the trees on my route. I'd made this circle twice already tonight but for some reason I felt the urge to make a third circuit. I knew it was overkill but I never ignored my instincts. I did it once and I would never allow myself to do it again. That day in Emily's kitchen I knew something was wrong but I didn't get out of there and now she has the scars to remind me of it every time I looked at her.

_Will you stop shoving your guilt on us?,_ Jared whined.

_Better his guilt that your lust_, Embry laughed.

Jared had recently gotten serious with his imprint, Kim and he'd had trouble keeping himself from thinking about it lately. And Embry had just reminded him. My mind filled with graphic images I could just as well have done without.

_That's a lot, Embry._

_Sorry, guys_, Jared said. _I really am trying to control it._

_I just feel bad for the new kid. He's going to get quite the education_, I thought.

Seth Clearwater had joined us recently. Only a few days ago actually. He was still very young and had no control at all. He was causing us headaches, but no worse that the others. And we had more help to control him. Quil and Paul were in charge of watching him tonight. Jared, Embry, and I were on patrol and Jacob was out with the vampire girl on his off night. I didn't understand his attachment to her. It wasn't like she was an imprint. It annoyed me that she knew about us. If the leeches ever came back she would tell them all about us. The only consolation was that she seemed certain they were never coming back. It didn't pacify me completely though. We always had to be prepared.

After I finished my circuit I rounded around to check on Seth. I found Quil and Paul sitting at the tree line behind the Clearwater's and I joined them.

_How's he doing?,_ I asked.

_Better. We got him to phase back and he's sleeping now_, Paul replied.

_Good. You guys can take a break if you want, I'll stay here._ Paul started shaking his head. _Emily said she was making hamburgers._

_Hamburgers?,_ Embry had just turned off of his route and was headed straight for my house.

_Will you at least finish your patrol first?,_ I asked.

_And have all the food be gone when I get there? I don't think so._

Paul and Quil departed in the direction of my house hoping to beat Embry there and hide all the food. I chuckled to myself as I walked over to the house. I kept my wolf form as I peered in the kitchen window. I wanted to make sure Leah was gone before I knocked on the door. One by one I felt the others phasing back until I was the only one left.

Leah was sitting at the table talking on the phone. Even if my hearing wasn't heightened I would have heard her anyway, she was talking very loud.

"No, Anna, I really don't want to go out tonight." She sighed as her friend Anna tried to talk her into going to a party down the road from the high school. "No, I just don't feel good. Seth had the flu last week and I think I might be coming down with it too."

I chuckled to myself. If she knew what Seth's illness really was she wouldn't be diagnosing herself with it too.

"Okay, tomorrow night, I promise, as long as I'm not blowing chunks. But only if Sam isn't there." She looked out the window directly at me. I was thankful it was dark and all she could see was her reflection. It hurt me that she still had to qualify her plans after all this time. She still wasn't fully healed but I was optimistic it would happen eventually.

"Yeah, I think I'm just going to go to bed early, bye." She hung the phone up and yawned. She shivered slightly and I smiled. Poor Leah, always too cold.

I watched as she stood and left the kitchen. I walked around the back of the house to her bedroom window. I peered in the window to the room I had spent quite a bit of time in during my younger years. It looked mostly the same, though she had repainted the walls from blue to yellow.

As she entered the room I ducked below the window frame. The light turned on and I knew she was getting ready for bed. I knew she would be pulling out an old pair of sweats and a ratty t-shirt. She would also be grabbing an extra pair of socks since her feet were always cold.

It hurt me that I still knew all of these things about her. It wasn't fair to her or Emily when I reflected on my time with her. I tried not to but she was the center of my life for 5 years. It's hard to forget those things quickly. And I knew it was even harder for her. At least I'd had Emily to keep me distracted from feeling some of the pain. Leah had had no relief, and my relationship with Emily only made things worse for her. I wished there was some way I could comfort her but I knew the best thing I could do for now would be to leave her alone completely. Of course with Seth in the pack now she would have to see a little more of me, but I would do my best to avoid her. She didn't deserve the pain I was putting her through.

I heard her run to the bathroom quickly, faster than if she had just been going to brush her teeth. I peeked in the window and caught a glimpse of her as she rounded the corner. Something wasn't right.

I ran around to the front door, phasing as I went. I knocked twice as a formality and let myself in. I made my way to Leah's bathroom and peered in the door. What I saw was startling.

She was curled up on the bathmat with her arms wrapped around her legs. Tremors were ripping through her body and she was moaning quietly. I had seen this before, experienced it myself, but there had to be some other explanation for this. There was no way she could be phasing.

"Leah?" I said quietly.

She looked up at me and when she recognized me she gave me a dirty look. "What are you doing here?" she demanded, acid seeping into her words.

"I just came by to check on Seth," I said quickly. "What's wrong?" I stooped beside her and she shot me a look that could only have been described as a death glare. "I'm sorry but you don't look good."

"That's great that you're concerned about my well-being now, Samuel. Your sense of timing is impeccable." Her sarcasm could always be counted on no matter how bad she felt though it still stung quite a bit.

"Will you please just tell me what's wrong?" I asked.

She shook her head like she was trying to clear her ears out. "I'm sick what more do you need to know?" She wasn't going to make this easy for me.

"Look," I said. "If you don't tell me exactly what your symptoms are I'm going to think the worst and take you to the hospital." I knew she hated hospitals, so that threat was incentive enough.

"I can't keep anything down and I just took my temperature and I'm running a 105 degree fever. I'm shaking obviously…" She trailed off and I knew there was more.

"What else?" I prompted.

She took a deep breath to try to calm down. Her reply came in a whisper I was barely able to hear. "I'm seeing things. Things I shouldn't be seeing. Flashes of the forest, places I've never been before. I even saw that kid Jared you hang out with. He was with some girl." She shook her head violently. "And that was something I could have done without ever seeing. What's wrong with me?"

I was in a state of panic. Leah was about to phase? How was this possible? I started pacing back and forth as far as the small room would allow. Normally I kept an eye out for someone who was about to phase; they were fairly easy to spot. We had a fairly good idea of who was in the proper bloodline (though Embry had been a surprise in that respect), and usually there were symptoms a couple of days before that pointed more towards phasing than the flu. I never thought it would ever happen to Leah though. There had never been a female protector before. I realized I was muttering to myself when Leah interrupted.

"I'm going crazy, I knew it. You finally pushed me over the edge." Another quiver ran through her. "Are you happy you bastard?" The tremors were getting closer and closer to constant and I knew Leah was going to phase any second.

I picked her up from the floor despite her protests and ran toward the door. Unfortunately I only made it as far as living room before she exploded into a mass of fur. I phased, shredding my sweats, and pushed her out the door was best I could. She clawed at the door, attempting to stay in the house, and took in off the hinges.

Her thoughts in my head were too panicked to form anything coherent. I pinned her to the ground as she snapped at me. She caught me a couple of times and it hurt like hell but I knew I would heal. I wished I hadn't told the other guys to go eat. I needed help with her.

I wasn't sure how best to try and calm her so I settled for repeating her name over and over. _Leah, Leah, Leah._ I meant it to be a calming influence but it just irritated her. At least she was feeling irritated. That meant the rage was subsiding and she would be able to talk soon.

I focused in on her thoughts, waiting for her to starting asking questions. She had too many floating around in her head to pick a specific one. When I decided she could at least listen to me I tried to start explaining.

_I know you're freaked out right now. It's understandable._

_What's wrong with me?_ she asked, cutting me off. It was good that she was able to talk (well, think coherently).

_You've phased for the first time_, I started.

I was about to continue when she interrupted again. _Wait a second, why can I hear you right now? And how can you hear me?_

_It's a werewolf thing. We can hear each other's thoughts. It helps us keep in better communication._ When she didn't answer immediately I knew I had given her too much information too quickly.

_A werewolf?_ she asked incredulously. _As if my life didn't suck enough you bit me and now I'm a werewolf._

_I didn't bite you. It doesn't work like that. It's more of a genetic thing_, I told her.

_Genetic?_ She thought about it for a second comparing her symptoms to others. _So Seth is a werewolf too?_ she asked with a sense of anguish. She hated this for herself and already knew she didn't want it for her little brother.

_Yes_, I replied.

_Who else?_ she asked.

_Jared, Paul, Embry Call, Jacob Black, Quil Ateara. Seth makes 7. And now I guess you make 8._

She hung her head, dejected, and I knew I was about to make everything even worse.

_Basically, we're the protectors of the tribe. We patrol the rez for threats_, I began.

_What kind of threats?_ she interjected.

I took a deep breath. She wasn't going to believe me. _Remember the stories your dad told when we were little about the old chief Tahi-Aka and the spirit warriors?_

_Shit! Those were true? I always thought they were just fairytales. But seriously, who are we protecting them from? Vampires aren't real._

I coughed a little bit. _Yeah, about that. You know the Cullens who used to live in Forks?_ She nodded. _Leeches._

She chuckled slightly and looked into my eyes before she remembered who I was and how badly I'd hurt her. The weight of her bitterness dropped down on me and felt like I could barely breathe. I had to continue my explanation though.

_I'm the Alpha, which means I'm in charge. We run patrols every night to make sure that no bloodsuckers get through to our land._ She stared at me processing the still present threat of vampires. I thought about the leech we had just caught trying to kill Bella Swan. _They're still around._

I didn't want to explain all of this while I was phased. I hoped she was calm enough to phase back. _I want to you try to do something for me._

_No. I'll never do anything for you._ I sighed and looked at her in the eyes. As if being Alpha wasn't difficult enough. She was going to make it so much worse.

I diverted my attention quickly but not quickly enough.

_You're actually in charge of me? I have to do what you say? This sucks_! She was slipping back into her anger but I wanted to get her phased back.

_Look, I really am sorry. I never wanted any of this for you. All I want you to do right now is to concentrate on phasing back._

She nodded and started concentrating but she didn't know what to concentrate on.

_If I phase back to show you how do you promise not to run away?_ I asked her. She nodded slightly and I could see in her eyes she meant it. I took a step away from her and phased back. Her eyes widened and I was acutely aware that she didn't realize nudity was part of the deal. I nodded to her in encouragement and a look of concentration crossed her face. She phased back and immediately collapsed on the lawn. The shock had taken a lot out of her and she barely had the energy to lift her head to give me a glare. I shook it off and picked her up and carried her into the house. I set her down on her bed and pulled new sweats out of her dresser. I was just going to toss them to her but she wasn't in any shape to be dressing herself. I started to help her and she tried to slap my arm away.

"What the hell are you doing?" she yelled. I saw a tremor shake through her and I knew I needed to calm her down.

"Leah, please calm down. Take a deep breath. I'm just helping you get dressed. Clothes don't go with you when you phase." I helped her sit up and pull her shirt of her head.

"This just a little embarrassing." She blushed and I chuckled to myself which earned me a look.

I explained, "You remember I've seen this before. Don't be so embarrassed."

I finished helping her with her pants then snuck into Seth's room to steal a pair of shorts. I walked back into Leah's room and sat on the bed beside her. "I need to go talk to the guys. Will you try to get some sleep please?" She nodded and I resisted the urge to kiss her forehead, knowing it would only make thing more difficult. I stood to leave and was almost out the door before she spoke.

"Sam, what does this mean?" she asked quietly.

"What does what mean?"  
"Me, being a wolf? There's never been a female wolf before right? What does it mean?"

"I'm sorry, Lee. I really don't know. I didn't think it was possible and yet here you are. I will do my best to figure it out though. You deserve that much."

She gave me another dirty look. "I deserve a lot more than that."

I sighed. "I know you do. But for now, will you please sleep? I promise you'll get a much better explanation when you wake up." She nodded and nuzzled into her pillow. She pulled her covers up over herself but threw them off almost immediately. She didn't need any help staying warm.

I turned and left, heading for the front door, hoping to put in back in place from where Leah ripped it from the jamb. As I turned to pick up the door I had a view into Harry and Sue's room. The light was on, which was strange since I'd thought they had an Elder's Meeting tonight. I hadn't heard them come home, but I had been otherwise occupied so they may have slipped in unnoticed.

I knew I had to tell them about Leah. They had been surprised when Seth had phased so early, but this would shock them. I knocked lightly on the door to their room. When they didn't answer I knocked louder.

"Harry? Sue? It's Sam. Can I talk to you guys for a second?" I waited and heard a moan coming from inside. I pushed the door open slightly. I scanned the room and my eyes landed on a collapsed form. "Harry?!?!" I yelled. He was laying face down on the floor. I rushed over to him and rolled him over. He moaned and opened his eyes but he didn't focus on anything.

"Harry?" He turned his head toward me.

"Sam?" he asked. "What happened to her?"

"What do you mean Harry?" I asked him. He didn't seem coherent.

"I thought I saw you carrying Leah but then you phased and were out front with another wolf." He told a deep pained breath. He wasn't doing well.

"I don't know what you mean," I lied. He saw right through me though.

"It's true isn't it? Leah's a protector too?" He looked at me and I couldn't lie again so I just nodded. His expression was completely shocked.

"Harry, what happened to you?" I asked, concerned.

"I don't know. I had a headache so Sue dropped me off before she took Billy home. I was just sitting in here when I heard Leah talking to someone. I was coming out to see what was going on when I saw you running by with her. When she phased my chest got tight and I collapsed."

"Holy shit, Harry. I think you had a heart attack. I need to get the ambulance here now!" I stood to get a phone and call 911.

"Wait, Sam!" he called softly. "Before you go, just promise me you'll look out for her."

"I'll do my best but she's not going to let me. But we really don't have time to waste." I turned once more and he spoke again.

"Don't ever let her know what happened. I could never let her think she was responsible." I didn't know what to say so I just ran to the kitchen and called 911. They told me they would be there in 10 minutes, which was way too long. I hurried back to Harry's side and sat next to him.

"Ok they'll be here soon," I told him. He didn't respond. "Harry?" I shook him. Nothing. "Harry?!?!" I shook him again, harder than I should have. I felt his neck for a pulse. He didn't have one. I started CPR as the ambulance arrived. I hoped neither Seth nor Leah had woken but I didn't think they would, new wolves sleep soundly.

The paramedics worked on Harry for what felt like forever but in the end they stopped. They turned to me and shook their heads. After they left Sue pulled into the driveway. I took a deep breath to steady myself. I had so many things to tell her and no good way to bring any of it up. I met her at the door of the van and she could tell by my expression something horrible had happened.

I told her about Harry and Leah – leaving out the connection – while she cried on my shoulder. I sat with her all night, attempting to comfort her. I would meet up with the pack tomorrow and explain everything. Tonight I had more important things to do. As I held Sue I thought about the effect of having Leah in the pack. It was going to be so much worse for her than it had been for anyone else.

I knew nothing could ever make up for the torture she was going to endure as part of the pack, especially with me as Alpha, but I would try to lighten the load the best I could. I would do everything in my power to never think about the circumstances of her father's death while I was phased. There was no reason for her to ever know what happened. I would keep my promise to Harry and take his secret to my grave. And I knew in an instant it would not be nearly enough. Nothing would ever be enough.


End file.
